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i come to you broken
with no desire to be fixed
do you know how that feel?

to be confident yet insecure
strong yet weak
brilliant yet doubtful
loved yet lonely
unafraid yet fearful
seen yet invisible
broken yet whole

whole because i am broken
invisible because i am seen
fearful because i am unafraid
lonely because i am loved
doubtful because i am brilliant
weak because i am strong
insecure because i am confident
do you know how that feel?

imagine with me:
tears fall slowly from my face
drop after drop after drop
forming a body of water as vast as the ocean.
so, i swim, stroke after stroke
deeply immersed in a body outside my own
because swimming is a phenomena of joy
much like (re)birth, 
much like wading in the water, children
searching for answers 
searching for truth
searching for healing
do you know how that feel?

somewhere between green and violent
a tide draws nearer
bodies moving in concert 
like the earth and the moon
a gravational pull -- beautiful and misunderstood
a rhapsody in blue: colorful and formless
like a nuanced melody in bflat
both sentimental and vapid, much like my life
all of the things and none
broken with no desire to be fixed

do you know how that feel?


original poem by jamal lewis
© 2015